I knew I would be successful when three things happened.
First, when I woke up one Monday morning angry. I was angry because I had to go to work. But I enjoy working actually. It makes me a bearable human being, being able to put my energy into something constructive and structured. Rather what made me angry was the fact that if I didn't go to work someone would deprive me of my lifestyle. Namely that my time wasn't my own, therefore my life wasn't my own, therefore I was a slave. I used to say I wanted to be rich but I wasn't sure what that would buy me or what I wanted to buy. I got very clear that afternoon at work. I wanted to be rich because I wanted to buy my freedom.
Second, this actually happened today. I imagine when Andy Dufresne started digging his way through the wall until probably about 1/3 of the way through he was frustrated, angry, depressed, upset, tired, hungry, bored, scared, and doubtful. I imagine that sometimes he'd quit. Sometimes he'd give up. Sometimes his mind would wonder and he'd only put some effort into it. But then there had to come a point when it just became a habit. His being, his soul even, just became a tool. He just began to dig. He began to dig because digging just became his habit. It didn't bother him. It didn't scare him. He still became hungry. But he was accustomed to it. All of the emotion became routine and therefore managable and his being, not his mind, but his being began to just focus on the task. This happened today. Normally I go through a range of emotions depending on the day about working at my keyboard on my system. Sometimes I feel like it. Sometimes I don't. Sometimes I'm frustrated. Sometimes I'm eager. Sometimes I'm driven. Sometimes I'm bored. But today it wasn't any of those feelings. It was habit. My hand, without me really guiding it, simply went into my laptop bag, pulled out my laptop, turned it on, and began programming. There was no thought, no emotion, nothing. Just work. My soul, my will, my hands, my being just became a tool.
Finally, I understood why I had to do what I had to do. I always knew why I had to do what I had to do: why programming, building systems was the best route for me to get where I needed to go. I knew that because I knew that building a system and making money off of it, having a global shop, that I was able technically to expand, and could be sold as a business thereby buying my freedom was the logical progression. But there is a difference between knowing and understanding. In the movie Shawshank Redemption, I'm sure Andy Dufresne thought when he was frustrated what other options did he have. Everyone does when they're doing what they don't feel like doing but know they must. How can I get out of this? How can I move on without going through this? Andy must've weighed his options. One, work for the Warden and accept this dirty crumb for a life. Two, don't work for the Warden and become a lesser man thereby losing his soul (and what's a life worth without a soul?) Finally, dig. When you understand your only choice in life is to dig everything becomes crystal clear. You dig. And you dig with single minded determination because you understand there is nothing else but a single line of escape. My choices were simple: work for someone else forever and accept that crumb of a life, two, try to trade stocks or do some other venture and scrape by, never really getting to where I want to be and putting myself through a lot of emotional wear and tear until I was eventually exhausted of trying, losing my ambition to waste. Or three, dig. Program. Work. Build. I chose the third.
But I never really had a choice.
First, when I woke up one Monday morning angry. I was angry because I had to go to work. But I enjoy working actually. It makes me a bearable human being, being able to put my energy into something constructive and structured. Rather what made me angry was the fact that if I didn't go to work someone would deprive me of my lifestyle. Namely that my time wasn't my own, therefore my life wasn't my own, therefore I was a slave. I used to say I wanted to be rich but I wasn't sure what that would buy me or what I wanted to buy. I got very clear that afternoon at work. I wanted to be rich because I wanted to buy my freedom.
Second, this actually happened today. I imagine when Andy Dufresne started digging his way through the wall until probably about 1/3 of the way through he was frustrated, angry, depressed, upset, tired, hungry, bored, scared, and doubtful. I imagine that sometimes he'd quit. Sometimes he'd give up. Sometimes his mind would wonder and he'd only put some effort into it. But then there had to come a point when it just became a habit. His being, his soul even, just became a tool. He just began to dig. He began to dig because digging just became his habit. It didn't bother him. It didn't scare him. He still became hungry. But he was accustomed to it. All of the emotion became routine and therefore managable and his being, not his mind, but his being began to just focus on the task. This happened today. Normally I go through a range of emotions depending on the day about working at my keyboard on my system. Sometimes I feel like it. Sometimes I don't. Sometimes I'm frustrated. Sometimes I'm eager. Sometimes I'm driven. Sometimes I'm bored. But today it wasn't any of those feelings. It was habit. My hand, without me really guiding it, simply went into my laptop bag, pulled out my laptop, turned it on, and began programming. There was no thought, no emotion, nothing. Just work. My soul, my will, my hands, my being just became a tool.
Finally, I understood why I had to do what I had to do. I always knew why I had to do what I had to do: why programming, building systems was the best route for me to get where I needed to go. I knew that because I knew that building a system and making money off of it, having a global shop, that I was able technically to expand, and could be sold as a business thereby buying my freedom was the logical progression. But there is a difference between knowing and understanding. In the movie Shawshank Redemption, I'm sure Andy Dufresne thought when he was frustrated what other options did he have. Everyone does when they're doing what they don't feel like doing but know they must. How can I get out of this? How can I move on without going through this? Andy must've weighed his options. One, work for the Warden and accept this dirty crumb for a life. Two, don't work for the Warden and become a lesser man thereby losing his soul (and what's a life worth without a soul?) Finally, dig. When you understand your only choice in life is to dig everything becomes crystal clear. You dig. And you dig with single minded determination because you understand there is nothing else but a single line of escape. My choices were simple: work for someone else forever and accept that crumb of a life, two, try to trade stocks or do some other venture and scrape by, never really getting to where I want to be and putting myself through a lot of emotional wear and tear until I was eventually exhausted of trying, losing my ambition to waste. Or three, dig. Program. Work. Build. I chose the third.
But I never really had a choice.
