Sadness and How to Get Over It

So today I am still feeling some sadness over the event that happened yesterday at work.  I tried to be angry about it and listened to some Eminem and DMX about it.  But after that anger I still felt some sadness.  After that I put on some Yiruma, "When the Love Falls".  

I feel like I'm embracing the sadness, feeling it, and that allows me to get over it.  I have a feeling I'll be listening to this song a lot today.  But embracing the sadness I think is the only real way to get over it.  

I'll keep you posted.

Life's on the Line

One of my favorite songs starts with a line that says, "Nobody likes me but that's okay cause I don't like y'all anyway.  I don't like y'all anyway. #*($ all yall.  I let my watch talk for me, my whip talk for me, my gat talk for me.  Blaw!  What up homie."

Well, at this job nobody likes me.  Today I went to a 'party', which I was strangely enough hounded to go to.  I didn't want to go as I don't really care for small talk.  Usually that means talk about nothing.  I really don't care for that.  But funny enough I sat at the gathering and minded my own business, ate my pizza, and generally sought to be left alone.  Somehow the entire party turned to me.  I don't know why but it did.  It became a me-fest. 

What's my father's name?  My father!?!?  He's deceased. Anymore questions!?!?  On and on and on we went.  Then one of the girls got disrespectful.  One girl asked if I had a nickname, I said that it was "Little Curtis" as my father was Big Curtis.  Then a girl says "Arthur, Curtis, Little Curtis, Little Kim, whatever."  I said to her as alcohol was present at the party, "You've had too much."  She quickly shut up.  It became very clear to me at that point that they didn't really like me.  But that's okay.  I'm here for one reason and one reason only.  My check. 

I'm here simply to put in my hours and collect my fee.  That's it.  Tonight when I go home I'll burn a stogie, work on my iPhone app, and go to bed.  Saturday I plan to work on my app all day and then Sunday go hiking.  Sleep right afterward and then work on my app. 

Today I think I'll go get a haircut right after work.  Get a fresh shave. It'll make me feel better. 

And I'll buy some headphones also.  I've got to be careful with the spending.  I don't want to run out early.  I just donated some money and now I've got to be careful. 

It's important for me to just work.  Tonight, maybe late night, I'll go see Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter in 3D.  Awesome.  Okay.  Cool. 

So to recap here's the agenda:

1.  Barbershop.
2.  Home and stogie.
3.  iPhone Programming
4.  Vampire Hunter

Today's Plan and Well-Being

Lately since I've put drinking in it's place and started looking at the world in the eye and been more spiritually aware (thanks be to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ who carried me all this way) my self-esteem and sense of well-being has skyrocketed.  I have more confidence and am generally just happier than I have been in a long time.  Everyday I feel more like me and I couldn't be happier about it. 

I think it's due to a couple of things:

1.  Really leaning on the Everlasting Word of God.  Just leaning on the Rock, the Landmark that carried my ancestors for centuries.  I am so proud of it and them.

2.  Looking this life in the eyes by not drinking, facing my fears head on and being willing to just be.

3.  Routine.  Ironically I've discovered some things about myself.  The Bible says "All things work together for the good of those that love Him and are called according to his purpose."  Well, after I left EY I've discovered that in this routine job, I simply really like (love :-D) routine.  I like knowing what time I wake up in the morning and knowing when I go to bed and what I'm eating the next day and what I'm wearing and where I'm going.  I'm not grinding myself into dust but rather I feel easier and better every day.  I am collecting and maintaining myself.  It's great.

I am so happy I walk around singing often in the day.

:D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

Today's Plan:

1.  Today I want to implement the MapViewController and get an address to appear on it. 

2.  Next I want to implement the Confirm or Cancel bar at the bottom of the screen.

3.  I want to build and implement one more screen.

Post-Church Update

Dilemma

So I went to church.  I didn't enjoy the people.  But I did enjoy the message.  It was about having a vision for your life and how if you don't have a vision it's because you lost your strength all ready and have been robbed of your vision.  My spirit testified to the truth of the sermon.  But the people.  Ach.

It's funny.  The Bible says a man who says I love God but hates his neighbor is a liar.  What about a man who says he loves God but is mildly disdainful of his neighbor.  What is he?  Well, that's how I felt (feel?  :-/) about my church neigbors.  But yet I feel stronger for going.  Therefore maybe I should think about going again.  Decisions, decisions.

Church versus the MapKit

I need to go to church.  I am in balance right now but I can feel myself getting out of balance if I don't go.  Yet I am ambitious.  This ambition tells me to go home and work on getting MapKit to work in my iPhone app.  It's my goal by the end of this week to have all the screens working and feeding correctly in my iPhone app.  Yet I can't get MapKit to work yet.

I know I should go to church.  I need to.  I haven't been to God's house in ages.  He's asking me to go.  I can feel it in my heart.  Yet I am ambitious.  That ambition tells me to go home and to work on GFM, my project and my current passion (mastering the LAMP/Mobile stack).  Yet if I don't go I'll have serious problems, internal problems, the sort that'll take longer to sort out than to maintain initially.

I'll go to church.  It's kind of like a Ferrari.  You can want to drive a Ferrari.  But if you don't take the time to do engine maintainence (spiritual maintainence in my case) then eventually it'll stall and crash.  You must maintain anything that you expect high performance out of.  I have to go to God's house to maintain my performance level.  I know it's necessary.

Extremely Useful iPhone NSNotification Example

Check here for a tutorial on NSNotification and Notification Objects for the iOS

The Power of No -- And Turning Down Opportunities

Yesterday I had an interview, a sort of getting to know you session with a couple people.  They were interested in getting together and working on a startup style project.   This startup project sounded interesting for a number of reasons.  Here is an email I sent to David Cohen of TechStars. 

Question: I'm interviewing with four people for a startup they're looking to do.  I'm interested in the idea.  It's a good idea.  It can scale.

Drawbacks:  

1.  They're bringing me in pretty much as the technical lead (backend and middle layer as well as mobile).  While I've got some technical skills I'm not awesome yet.  I've developed for companies before on different technologies and I'm good.  But as far as this technology stack LAMP/iPhone I'm not where I need to be.  I'd hate to go into something in what I consider half baked.

2.  I'm currently working on a project.  It's a project I can work on at my own pace in order to technically get to where I need to be.

Advantage:

1.  I don't really know many people in the technical scene and am looking for designers to partner with on this project or in the future.  This project has two.

2.  I like the idea of working with others on a project.  Maybe I can get that at a couple hackathons but still.

Sorry for the long email but do you have any advice.

David's advice was to trust my gut.  And as I was on my way to work today I asked my gut, what should I do.  Specifically I asked my gut what was the biggest risk that I was taking by doing this project.  The risk:  time. 

There's an African saying: If you want to go fast go alone, if you want to go far go together.  Well, at this point I need to go fast as opposed to far.   I need to learn as quickly as possible.  The time I would consume in actually working on a project when I am not yet a ninja and I have not yet completed the task that I've chosen to do would be non-productive.  Not only would I not be perfecting the skillset that I've chosen and building things that I want to build but I would also be subject to psychic drain.  

I've just gotten past psychic drain with my sister.  I can't afford another bout of psychic drain.  It's silly.  I must remain focused.

An Aside

I noticed that whenever one is focused on a goal and is getting closer to achieving that goal inevitably distractions arise.  I was working on my GFM iPhone app one night and someone called that was truly a blast from the past.  Yesterday I was tempted with an offer to work on a different project.  I am a firm believer in finishing what you start, ignoring everything else by the wayside and finishing what you start.  It's not just a matter of principle but for me it's a way of life.

I find that the opportunities you turn down strengthen your resolve to complete your goals in the way you know how.  Every no you say to something marginal seems to increase your resolve toward the one yes that you've made. 

Update: 10/13/2012:

Yesterday I was hanging out with my family and my sister (an actress) told me there's some movement on a project that I wrote for her.  She's pretty great though we have a rocky relationship at times.  I wouldn't say rocky but I would say it's like a roller coaster.  It has it's extreme ups and downs.  Pretty turbulent at times.  But when it's good it's pretty good.  

Nonetheless, she told me that the project that I wrote is starting to move through the channels of show business.  I don't like show business or rather I'm not used to show business.  But more importantly I am making good progress on my technical projects.  I don't want to be distracted.

I told her I would leave her to it.  And I will.  I will not be involved and when something arises (if something arises) I will cross that bridge when we come to it.  Until then I am going to put my head back down and focus on the thing that I'm doing.  Simply working on this and nothing else.  Now is the time for me to focus on what I'm doing.  This will exercise my power to focus.  I will. 

Dreaming in Tech

Yesterday I worked on the GFM iPhone app.  It's the usual learning curve.  I'm working on it but it's doing the usual thing that new tech does.  It bucks at first.  Gives you a hard time out of the gate.  Won't let you get by.  Well, that's what happened yesterday.  I was so tired after I was done that I didn't even eat my awesome dinner that was waiting for me.  I was happy and sad.  Sad I missed a great meal but completely happy to be working on something interesting and fun.  So I went to bed.

I can't wait to do it again.

Brooklyn Adventures

Okay.  I've got to eat at these places in Brooklyn:  http://www.gq.com/food-travel/restaurants-and-bars/201205/chef-dale-talde-brooklyn-guide-short-order

Refocus

Writing for my Sister


I wrote that script for my sister.  I figured it would take me an hour.  It took a day.  Eight hours.  But more than an average workday it took a psychic toll.  And the psychic toll isn't over.


The psychic toll was that it drained my creative energy for the day.  I had none left.  I wrote and wrote and wrote and rewrote and then walked away.  When I walked away I noticed that I had nothing left in the tank or very little.  I couldn't create anymore.  I couldn't even really go out.  I had to rest.   I woke up today ready to go but I paid the price for that script.  I will not do it again.  If she sells this script, fine, we can talk about compensation and a future arrangement.  But this will be the last script.  I lost a rhythm.  


This weekend was important because I was looking to establish a rhythm in programming.  I have just started XCode programming and am really at a critical stage.  I am at that stage where I am starting to leap from beginning-intermediate programmer to solidly intermediate-advanced programmer.  This weekend should've solidified it.  Instead it was constant turmoil due to this split mind.  


I have said repeatedly, I am a binary person.  Either I am in or I am out.  She can do what she will.  I won't ask about it.  But I am not interested in her business.  I am interested in my own.  This split world stuff has to stop.


Work


Today I am planning on doing some programming, doing some cooking, and then doing some sleeping before starting my day again tomorrow.  Okay.  I've got nothing else to say here.  


I can tell.  I'm done.  Signing off.  

Startup Ideas and Social Media

Wishlist.com

Wishlist is a site that compiles all the wishlists from all the sites you have all over the web into one place.  

Revenue Streams

Users don't pay.

Wishlist corporate customers pay a percentage fee of all items actually purchased over Wishlist.  In return customers end user clients can buy over our medium from multiple sources in effect aggregating their purchases.


Corporate customers can purchase data on particular customers.  Corporate customers can advertise to that group of customers and pay for advertising on that group.
Advantage: it gives a huge advantage to customers who can actually get a holistic picture of clients, based not on models and projects, but based on actual purchase points or possible purchase points.

End user clients can pay down gifts, layaway.  This data can be communicated to corporate clients with a "possibility of payoff" dashboard.  This can help CCs (corporate clients) evaluate pent up demand.

Wishlist can also sell advertising to customers based on real data.

User Advantages

All wishlists in one place.

The ability to make parts of a wishlist public and parts private down to particular items.

The ability to share wishlists on FB for Christmas and special events.

LifePoints.com

A competitive scoring system to see who can live their lives most competitively.  

It's a social mechanism that allows for points for eating soft shell crabs, going on a hike, etc.  It allows for a competitive way of living.  It ties into FourSquare and allows people to compete for life enrichment points.   

Developing a Style and Psychic Drain

This is two blog posts in one.

Psychic Drain

Yesterday my sister asked me to write something for her.  I wrote for her a couple of times.  Big projects, small projects, none to any avail.  But I wrote.  I wrote and I worked.  Working is writing and visa versa, especially if you have job.  Then working is work at work and working is work at home.  It spells out a whole lotta work. 

But we had a falling out and I had to do everything I could just to salvage a relationship.  Time passed and during that non-speaking period I developed a love for things that I find value in.  I find value in computer science and programming. It suits me.  It allows me to pursue a dream, my ambitions of building an empire while remaining stable.  Plus I've all ready started down this road and at my age if you haven't all ready started down a road I don't know if you'll ever have the time to truly get to a destination.  The destination?  Greatness.  Nonetheless, I'm on the road and truly beginning to enjoy the journey.

It's the journey of someone who started very basic but is now advancing.  It's the journey of growth and it is truly exciting. 

But then my sister called.  Despite our agreeing not to ever do business together again which I was perfectly happy with she called and asked to do business.  It's not that I mind doing business with her.  It's that I hate her business.

Show business is the most funky of businesses.  It is just unclean.  Parties, drinking, see-and-be-seen, the abdication of privacy, a place where words are deeds.  It's just not me.  My heros are the subjects of stories, not the storywriters.  But as is my habit with family, I agreed.  Thus the title of this blog post, psychic drain.

Before her call I was perfectly focused.  I was at home at night programming, mastering my craft and exceedingly happy to do so.  Now that is no longer the case.  Now, though I have yet to start working on her project I find my mental energy drifting there.  I find a turmoil within my mind as far as my work goes instead of the perfect clarity, the well worn clarity that I possessed before.  This is a psychic drain.

Bill Gates said the key to success is focus.  I agree.  I am losing my success due to this psychic drain.  Sure footing has given weigh.  This is not good.

Developing a Style

Today on the train I was thinking that I have developed a skill set.  It's a good skill set, respectable, hard earned, passing muster, marketable, and approaching mastery.  Like all things alive it's growing.  But I was walking down the street and discovered something else.
I don't have a style.

A style is the way a person does things.  It's what fills in the gaps.  Skills are what we can do.  A style is who you are.  It is integral to the sense of self.  While I can't often do my work at work I can do something.  My work usually leaves a lot of space.  In that space I can develop my style.  My style is something that is very important. 

What you wear, the furniture you buy (I'm at that stage), the photos you choose, the knicknacks placed in your home, the jeans you wear and the way you walk in those jeans are all a matter of style.  I have not taken the time to develop a style and therefore have an ambiguous sense of self.  I guess this is the sticking point upon which GQ has built an entire business.

So at this late stage in life I am developing a style.  And I must say that I am truly enjoying it.  One thing I discovered today is that I am an all or nothing type of guy.  I like to do something all the way or not at all.  My jeans, my clothes, my life.  I want to either be the best or not be involved.  I want to either love a woman or not have anything to do with her.  I am binary ... kind of like the instruments I use.  (Is there a connection here? I think there is.)  Therefore I am developing a style all my own.

I'm not sure what to call it yet.  It's tasteful.  It's high quality.  It has a rough hewn nature to it.  It is at touches conspicuous but never ostentacious.  It is culturally a throwback and yet modern at the same time.  I'm not sure what it is yet but I'll keep you posted.  It promises to be an adventure.

Bored at Work ... Must start planning

So I'm starting to conclude that perhaps (perhaps ...) this job will never keep me fully busy.  Perhaps.  This is a government job essentially.  I'm a contractor but my client is a government agency.  From what I know of consulting one moves at the clients pace.  Banks work faster than insurance companies.  Insurance companies are more careful and nervous but bank employees are generally more competant.  Government employees seem to be fearless (it's very hard to fire them) but they tend also to be slower, lazier ... at least in my experience.  Maybe I'm wrong, maybe it's early.  But if that's the case then I need to start planning what I can do in the time that I'm waiting for sign off or finished with a task.

The Power of Association

I must find a way to surround myself with a higher quality of person on a regular basis.  You become who you associate with and I have not been doing a good job in this arena.  I must put some serious work and thought into this.  

One Screen Down

I just finished my first screen for GFM Mobile.  It feels pretty good.  It just goes to show that there is no substitute for experience.  Tonight it took me three hours to get a very simple screen done but I learned some things that you can only learn if you do it.  

What the IBOutlet property is used for.  How the rootViewController and a specific view are actually connected.  How the action and the IBOutlet properties actually connect.  The books that I read were useful but there is no substitute for actually doing it yourself.  I am eager to get onto the next task.  There is truly a joy in building something and building it well.  I am enjoying this task and am glad I am seeing it through (I almost wrote saw it through ... there is some truth to that).  Now I've got more to do ... but I must eat and go to bed.  Tomorrow is another day.  Hmph.  

Not much to do ... Apple

I'm sitting at work waiting for five pm.  Not because I want to but because the 'breakneck' speed at which I'm working is simply putting the lights out here.  It's a sad truth but you must follow the corporate culture you're in.  Right now I'm in a culture that is very slow.  I've learned that instead of rocking the boat you must simply go along to get along.  In the meantime I think I'll teach myself Spanish and continue to stack up checks and stuff that I want. 

Onto Apple.  Apple is going down.  Mark my words today.  Apple is going to fall.  They haven't invented any new products and don't seem intent on doing so.  Their only thing now is to keep reiterating the products they've made instead of creating new ones.  They're interested in going from 1 to n instead of from 0 to 1, i.e. the iPod (not the Nano), the iPhone (not the 4S), the iPad (not the iPad 2).  They're focused on re-creating old products but not making new ones.  To put it bluntly, they're Puffy without Biggy.  Only interested in the remix. It's only a matter of time until they fall off. 

Inspired on the Train ... Uninspired At Work

Today on the train on the way to work I felt nervous and excited ... almost unusually so.  Today I am going to begin iPhone programming, building my GFM iPhone App.  It's crazy because it's been a long time and 1,000 pages of reading in the making.  But now I am ready to go.  Yet I'm nervous.  It's a totally new thing and it's exciting.  But I'm nervous to be starting something new and yet so powerful. 

Then I get to work and the work is so everyday, so humdrum.  It pays well but it is bor-ing.  It puts the bore in boring.  Yet it pays and it pays well so I'll just get to work, endure it, finish my bread and (unsalted) butter tasks for the day and then get home and let the intellectual challenge and fulfillment begin.

iPhone App ... the Beginning

I just finished the Visio diagram.  It's done.  At least a V1.  I've got more work to do on it but it looks pretty decent as a start.  I'll program this and then move on from here.  Tonight I don't think I'll be programming but tomorrow I think I'll print this and start in earnest.  Maybe I'll read a couple pages (10 pages in this Linux text and 10 pages in the advanced MySQL/PHP book).
 

Bill Gates was Right ... Focus

Today I was faced with a bunch of options.  I could go hiking this weekend, go work on a political campaign, or work on programming my iPhone app.  I decided to work on programming my iPhone app (part of GoForMe.com).  The calculus is very simple.  

Starting a new life in politics would surely doom me to be a peon.  Going hiking is fun and I enjoy it.  But working on my GFM app would allow me to become a real success at something.  I'm convinced that with this skill set that I am starting to truly master I can become a considered man.  I can not afford to lose focus.  Not even for a moment now.

When I finished that book about Professional iPhone and iPad Core Data programming I crossed a threshold.  The only thing that makes sense to do right now is to move forward and to continue the momentum in order to master my craft.

Fresh Corn

It takes 25 minutes to cook fresh corn off the cob when dumped in boiling hot water.