This is two blog posts in one.
Psychic Drain
Yesterday my sister asked me to write something for her. I wrote for her a couple of times. Big projects, small projects, none to any avail. But I wrote. I wrote and I worked. Working is writing and visa versa, especially if you have job. Then working is work at work and working is work at home. It spells out a whole lotta work.
But we had a falling out and I had to do everything I could just to salvage a relationship. Time passed and during that non-speaking period I developed a love for things that I find value in. I find value in computer science and programming. It suits me. It allows me to pursue a dream, my ambitions of building an empire while remaining stable. Plus I've all ready started down this road and at my age if you haven't all ready started down a road I don't know if you'll ever have the time to truly get to a destination. The destination? Greatness. Nonetheless, I'm on the road and truly beginning to enjoy the journey.
It's the journey of someone who started very basic but is now advancing. It's the journey of growth and it is truly exciting.
But then my sister called. Despite our agreeing not to ever do business together again which I was perfectly happy with she called and asked to do business. It's not that I mind doing business with her. It's that I hate her business.
Show business is the most funky of businesses. It is just unclean. Parties, drinking, see-and-be-seen, the abdication of privacy, a place where words are deeds. It's just not me. My heros are the subjects of stories, not the storywriters. But as is my habit with family, I agreed. Thus the title of this blog post, psychic drain.
Before her call I was perfectly focused. I was at home at night programming, mastering my craft and exceedingly happy to do so. Now that is no longer the case. Now, though I have yet to start working on her project I find my mental energy drifting there. I find a turmoil within my mind as far as my work goes instead of the perfect clarity, the well worn clarity that I possessed before. This is a psychic drain.
Bill Gates said the key to success is focus. I agree. I am losing my success due to this psychic drain. Sure footing has given weigh. This is not good.
Developing a Style
Today on the train I was thinking that I have developed a skill set. It's a good skill set, respectable, hard earned, passing muster, marketable, and approaching mastery. Like all things alive it's growing. But I was walking down the street and discovered something else.
I don't have a style.
A style is the way a person does things. It's what fills in the gaps. Skills are what we can do. A style is who you are. It is integral to the sense of self. While I can't often do my work at work I can do something. My work usually leaves a lot of space. In that space I can develop my style. My style is something that is very important.
What you wear, the furniture you buy (I'm at that stage), the photos you choose, the knicknacks placed in your home, the jeans you wear and the way you walk in those jeans are all a matter of style. I have not taken the time to develop a style and therefore have an ambiguous sense of self. I guess this is the sticking point upon which GQ has built an entire business.
So at this late stage in life I am developing a style. And I must say that I am truly enjoying it. One thing I discovered today is that I am an all or nothing type of guy. I like to do something all the way or not at all. My jeans, my clothes, my life. I want to either be the best or not be involved. I want to either love a woman or not have anything to do with her. I am binary ... kind of like the instruments I use. (Is there a connection here? I think there is.) Therefore I am developing a style all my own.
I'm not sure what to call it yet. It's tasteful. It's high quality. It has a rough hewn nature to it. It is at touches conspicuous but never ostentacious. It is culturally a throwback and yet modern at the same time. I'm not sure what it is yet but I'll keep you posted. It promises to be an adventure.
Psychic Drain
Yesterday my sister asked me to write something for her. I wrote for her a couple of times. Big projects, small projects, none to any avail. But I wrote. I wrote and I worked. Working is writing and visa versa, especially if you have job. Then working is work at work and working is work at home. It spells out a whole lotta work.
But we had a falling out and I had to do everything I could just to salvage a relationship. Time passed and during that non-speaking period I developed a love for things that I find value in. I find value in computer science and programming. It suits me. It allows me to pursue a dream, my ambitions of building an empire while remaining stable. Plus I've all ready started down this road and at my age if you haven't all ready started down a road I don't know if you'll ever have the time to truly get to a destination. The destination? Greatness. Nonetheless, I'm on the road and truly beginning to enjoy the journey.
It's the journey of someone who started very basic but is now advancing. It's the journey of growth and it is truly exciting.
But then my sister called. Despite our agreeing not to ever do business together again which I was perfectly happy with she called and asked to do business. It's not that I mind doing business with her. It's that I hate her business.
Show business is the most funky of businesses. It is just unclean. Parties, drinking, see-and-be-seen, the abdication of privacy, a place where words are deeds. It's just not me. My heros are the subjects of stories, not the storywriters. But as is my habit with family, I agreed. Thus the title of this blog post, psychic drain.
Before her call I was perfectly focused. I was at home at night programming, mastering my craft and exceedingly happy to do so. Now that is no longer the case. Now, though I have yet to start working on her project I find my mental energy drifting there. I find a turmoil within my mind as far as my work goes instead of the perfect clarity, the well worn clarity that I possessed before. This is a psychic drain.
Bill Gates said the key to success is focus. I agree. I am losing my success due to this psychic drain. Sure footing has given weigh. This is not good.
Developing a Style
Today on the train I was thinking that I have developed a skill set. It's a good skill set, respectable, hard earned, passing muster, marketable, and approaching mastery. Like all things alive it's growing. But I was walking down the street and discovered something else.
I don't have a style.
A style is the way a person does things. It's what fills in the gaps. Skills are what we can do. A style is who you are. It is integral to the sense of self. While I can't often do my work at work I can do something. My work usually leaves a lot of space. In that space I can develop my style. My style is something that is very important.
What you wear, the furniture you buy (I'm at that stage), the photos you choose, the knicknacks placed in your home, the jeans you wear and the way you walk in those jeans are all a matter of style. I have not taken the time to develop a style and therefore have an ambiguous sense of self. I guess this is the sticking point upon which GQ has built an entire business.
So at this late stage in life I am developing a style. And I must say that I am truly enjoying it. One thing I discovered today is that I am an all or nothing type of guy. I like to do something all the way or not at all. My jeans, my clothes, my life. I want to either be the best or not be involved. I want to either love a woman or not have anything to do with her. I am binary ... kind of like the instruments I use. (Is there a connection here? I think there is.) Therefore I am developing a style all my own.
I'm not sure what to call it yet. It's tasteful. It's high quality. It has a rough hewn nature to it. It is at touches conspicuous but never ostentacious. It is culturally a throwback and yet modern at the same time. I'm not sure what it is yet but I'll keep you posted. It promises to be an adventure.
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