They say you should never make decisions when you're tired. Well, I did. How wrong could I be.
You see I was burnt out. Which Marissa Meyer's explained to me in an article in Bloomberg Businessweek meant that I was resentful. And truly I was. I didn't have a boss that was forcing me to do things. I was resentful, not of what other people were making me do, but of what I was doing to myself. You see I had been coding furiously for about a month, give or take a few days, seven days a week, 13-15 hours a day, including weekends. I was tired. Moreso I was getting resentful. I was resentful that I had no one to talk to. Coding at my stage is a pretty lonely enterprise. It's me, a computer, maybe Hulu in the background, but it's me pretty much writing code and figuring things out. Just me.
I'm not a solo act. I enjoy interpersonal relationships. I enjoy human interaction. So when I sit for very long periods of time and just work with no interpersonal interaction it bothers me. I resent it. Then I become tired. Then comes the choice.
Mark Twain said that (paraphrased) when he was trying to write a book, at a certain point he just couldn't. He put down his pen and walked away from it. Then days later his cup filled up. He wandered back to his pen and found that he could write again. His cup just needed time to fill back up.
I've often felt this when I've created things. That somehow in creating something I was pouring my very soul into this thing, that I was breathing life into it, and while my life renews itself, it simply needs time to do so. Well, I had no life left in me. I needed a rest. My soul wasn't tired, it was just drained. I had nothing left to give. Three days and I would've been fine. Five and I would've been perfect. But alas I did what I normally do. I couldn't sit still.
My sister called (remember her?). She wanted me to write something. I wrote it. Then she wanted four other things. I agreed to write them. Now my soul is full again but I'm filling the wrong cup. >( This is not the proper cup and yet I'm filling it. Meanwhile the correct cup is sitting idly by waiting on me. And I'm not filling it. No good. Not good at all.
The next time I feel some exhaustion I will simply sit. I will get a book. I will watch as much TV as I want. I will buy an XBox. I will do something that I often have a hard time doing. I will do nothing. I will let my cup fill up. I will wait for my soul to replinish itself. Then I will get back to work, willing and able to continue on my way.
Until then I will do my penenance now. I will write for my sister. And not write again.
You see I was burnt out. Which Marissa Meyer's explained to me in an article in Bloomberg Businessweek meant that I was resentful. And truly I was. I didn't have a boss that was forcing me to do things. I was resentful, not of what other people were making me do, but of what I was doing to myself. You see I had been coding furiously for about a month, give or take a few days, seven days a week, 13-15 hours a day, including weekends. I was tired. Moreso I was getting resentful. I was resentful that I had no one to talk to. Coding at my stage is a pretty lonely enterprise. It's me, a computer, maybe Hulu in the background, but it's me pretty much writing code and figuring things out. Just me.
I'm not a solo act. I enjoy interpersonal relationships. I enjoy human interaction. So when I sit for very long periods of time and just work with no interpersonal interaction it bothers me. I resent it. Then I become tired. Then comes the choice.
Mark Twain said that (paraphrased) when he was trying to write a book, at a certain point he just couldn't. He put down his pen and walked away from it. Then days later his cup filled up. He wandered back to his pen and found that he could write again. His cup just needed time to fill back up.
I've often felt this when I've created things. That somehow in creating something I was pouring my very soul into this thing, that I was breathing life into it, and while my life renews itself, it simply needs time to do so. Well, I had no life left in me. I needed a rest. My soul wasn't tired, it was just drained. I had nothing left to give. Three days and I would've been fine. Five and I would've been perfect. But alas I did what I normally do. I couldn't sit still.
My sister called (remember her?). She wanted me to write something. I wrote it. Then she wanted four other things. I agreed to write them. Now my soul is full again but I'm filling the wrong cup. >( This is not the proper cup and yet I'm filling it. Meanwhile the correct cup is sitting idly by waiting on me. And I'm not filling it. No good. Not good at all.
The next time I feel some exhaustion I will simply sit. I will get a book. I will watch as much TV as I want. I will buy an XBox. I will do something that I often have a hard time doing. I will do nothing. I will let my cup fill up. I will wait for my soul to replinish itself. Then I will get back to work, willing and able to continue on my way.
Until then I will do my penenance now. I will write for my sister. And not write again.
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